I'm Finna Get Dispresctful...Til These Men Get Respectful
Before I start, I just want to make this clear: if you came here to see me drag Omega men, this isn’t the post for you (tbh actually, come back next week and maybe I’ll decide to be a bit messier). In all seriousness, this post is an expression of genuine confusion because when I saw the hashtag and the numerous stories from women shared about how they were assaulted by men in this fraternity; I was appalled. I just cannot seem to wrap my head around the two sides of this organization. On the one hand, the organization embodies, quite literally, all of the principles and values that should be instilled in black men: uplift, academic excellence, education, mentorship, respect, and dignity. And then on the other side, when 10pm hits and the books are closed…they are forcing women’s legs open? And it isn’t just them – this is a reoccurring issue in all black fraternities. So let’s get into it.
Omega Psi Phi fraternity is a black brotherhood and is actually the first predominately black international fraternal organization comprised of over 750 undergraduate and graduate chapters. The members of both past and present are referred to as “Ques.” Although the fraternity is known for bringing brothers into a strong bond dedicated to manhood, scholarship, perseverance, and uplift, they are commonly known for their the ass-biting, vulgar chants at step-shows, and strong expressions of masculinity. This hyper masculinity is an extremely toxic part of the fraternity culture and led to the creation of a hashtag called #MeTooHeWasAQue, which is designed to expose that culture.
The first post was shared by twitter user @Naysha080, a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Incorporated. On her profile, she shared a link to a survey called “Rape Culture in BGLOs” that asked questions about sexual assault by members of ALL Divine 9 Organizations. She also shared that she was assaulted by a Que after a freshman year kickback; Here is the short version. After the kickback, her friend wanted to go home with her man at the time, who was a Que, so she decided to sleep on the couch while she was waiting for her friend. One of the Ques that lived in the house came out to her and asked if she wanted a blanket and when she said yes, he told her to come get it out of his room. When she walked in, he closed the door behind her, forced himself on top of her, began kissing her and feeling up her shirt. To get him off of her, she bit his lip and pushed past him to get to the door. When she got out of his room, he followed her, pinned her against the wall, and began choking her. Her friend rushed out of the room and began attacking him to get him off of her. He then said “She knew wtf this was when she walked up in here. Everybody want a piece of the bruhs, she should be grateful I picked her ugly ass.” He then told her friend that she couldn’t stay the night, her friend has been drinking so she couldn’t drive her home, and apparently, none of the other ques were getting involved. She said that ever since then, she can’t even walk past the Que plot because even though she doesn’t look at all Ques like that, it’s hard for her because at least 5 of them lived in the house and none of them cared. Soon after her post was shared, stories from Black women all across the country were being shared on twitter. Another victim shared that she was invited to a “purple panties” party that was thrown by the Ques and a pre-requisite was showing the brothers that you were wearing purple panties. Unbeknownst to her, that was a prelude to unwanted touching.
I know that these stories are not a reflection of all of the men in black fraternal organizations. Trust me, I know. The man that hired me for my first job ever was a member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity. He mentored me and helped me in a work environment that would've eaten me alive if it wasn't for his guidance. The Marshall that inducted me into Phi Alpha Delta, the largest legal fraternity in the world, was a member of Omega Psi Phi Fraternity. The Dean of my law school, that helped me to secure a position at Disney/ABC, is a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity. The list goes on. Without any of these men, I would not be in the positions that I am in today. I am fully aware that these fraternities breed amazing, strong-willed, and excellent men that are dedicated to the advancement of the black community, HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that every fraternity doesn't have bad apples (or rapists), especially when there are millions of men within these organizations.
I think that is the part that gets me every time, is not the actual stories of assault, but the reactions of the people that know about it. This might sound horrible, but sexual assault stories are no longer surprising to me. Almost every woman that I know has a story about a time that they were sexually assaulted; its sick, but being assaulted seems to be a part of nearly every single woman’s coming of age story. The part that still gets me…is the number of men that know what their brother did and decide to either defend him or do nothing. It will never make sense to me. As if, these aren’t men who are supposed to embody Godliness, kindness, dignity, respect, and uplift. Do all of these things just go out of the window when defending a brother? I’m over here like…okay…put yourself in their shoes Jasmine…if you found out that one of your closest friends was a rapist…would you defend them? I can honestly say, with complete assurance, that my answer is no 10 out of 10 times. And to see how many women have similar stories, not only about the assault, but how multiple other members of the fraternity knew and said nothing…makes me feel like my brain is going to explode because I. just. don’t. get. it. Especially because, if you want to preserve the name of the oldest and largest international fraternity in the world, wouldn’t you not want rapists in it? And it isn't just them! There are stories from a plethora of women detailing sexual assault from men in other fraternities as well, which is absolutely horrifying.
I had the same reaction to black men making that ICE woman famous because she was "bad," completely ignoring the fact that she was keeping children in cages. I was like wow, black men really are the weakest link.
And look! The responses to her sharing are so textbook! I will say this once and I will say it again...THE POLICE AIN'T GON DO SHIT! Not a damn thing, nada, zilch, zero, nothing, nil, not a single thing, nothing at all. The best thing to do, is to try to warn other women so that they are not victimized as well. That is why some women take to twitter. And when they do, the responses should be ones of support and understanding. But as we've seen before, supporting black women as victims is like...wildly impossible for a lot of people.
So what is the solution? Usually when I write, I always have one. Honestly, there isn't usually a problem that I don't have a solution for, but I genuinely do not know what to do here. It seems like, the only solution, would be for members within these organizations to start taking a stand against this. I understand loyalty, and wanting to stick with your brother, but I feel like we should maybe start a new idea like maybe...stay loyal to your brother...until he assaults a woman? I feel like that might be a nice compromise. Or maybe like...publicly condemning assault and not thinking that the woman "knew what it was when she came to the house?" I really don't know. I don't have a penis and i'm not a rapist so it's difficult for me to put myself in his or his brothers shoes. All i know is, i'm sick of women writing think pieces about the sexual assault of other women aka exactly what I'm doing here. I want more people to care. I want more people to understand. I want more people to actually fucking do something and actually fucking say something.